I'm drive I can fine osifer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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