i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
