Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
