Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
