I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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