I think im going to throw up on grandma
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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