His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
