Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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