rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
