Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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