I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
