I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
