birth control should be required to get into college
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
