Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
