Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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