i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
