If that was your dad, he is hot
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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