He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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