There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
