Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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