her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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