you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
