You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
