His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
