fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my poor anus
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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