cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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