Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
