you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
