I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
