So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
