I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
