Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
