you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
