My liver just broke up with me...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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