Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
