It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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