Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
