So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
