Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
