saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
