you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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