hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
