I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
