So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
