my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
