Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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