I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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