I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My life is pants optional.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
