just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
