Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
