Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
