i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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