So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
