Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
