he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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