and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
