He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
