I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
